I have many faults. I'm the first to admit it . It's that I'm 'too handsome' or 'too clever', no, I just get annoyed at stupid people.
My main issue with stupid people is when they quote me lines from a movie, and yes, the movie was excellent but guess what - pillock - you didn't write the move, you just watched it.
A prime example is last week at the office, a part-time employee who sits at a desk near me came by and said to me 'wheres the fish?'. I looked at him as if he had just been at the markers in the board room.
Turns out, the muppet had been watching Monty Python over the weekend and thought that line to be the weirdest one ever. That wasn't even the part that embarrassed me, as it further transpires that he had never even bothered to watch the Monty Python TV show, which most people regard as their best work.
Silly man!
And then there are the people that think that because they have seen the film they can't now read the book, or alternatively, instead of reading the book, they'll just watch the film.
THE BOOK IS ALWAYS BETTER THAN THE FILM.
Always.
Anyway, I'm off for a can of spam and a wafer thin mint in a minute but before that, here is someone else's rant about books and TV shows. In song form.
The fact that my sister's home town of Key Biscayne is regularly shown and referred to does make me grin. And the knowledge that the whole series is filmed in LA, on the other side of the country, does cause a wry grin to creep across my face.
But most of all it is the pure cheesiness of the thing that keeps me hooked.
I've been to Miami many times, and NO-ONE wears pastel coloured clothing. Except for the very old people, and that's only when they're going out for supper - at 5pm.
So finding this compilation of David Caruso one-liners cheered me up on an otherwise cold and mundane workday.
Like any red blooded young chap who owns a TV in 2011 I get to see a lot of murders on TV.
There are some great detailed detective work in some of the amazing shows in the list below, which I have put in order of which ones I am addicted to the most at the beginning;
Danny Cohen, who I respect tremendously, in his position of head of BBC1 in the UK, who create a myriad of high class detective shows, was recently quoted in the Daily telegraph as saying shortly before the latest rush of detective shows hit our screens, there’s simply too much of this crime stuff on the telly. “One of the things I want to do,” Mr Cohen, the network’s youngest-ever controller, explained helpfully, “is to broaden the palette a bit.”
Interesting attitude. Is it for the TV show makers to decide what people see or is it up to the viewing public? Admittedly the most watched shows in the US and UK are not dramas or murder shows but are in fact the talent shows where 'normal people' get to strut their stuff. Image via Wikipedia
So should we be watching reality murders? Are we already watching too much murder on tv? The infographic below, and more importantly, it's popularity around the world in 2011 as opposed to 2001 - might lean us towards an answer;
The original can be found at www.forensicnursing.org
I'm a great fan of 30Rock and Tina Fey especially so I was happy to sit and watch part of the video below. But I got engrossed. Its surprisingly interesting and human. Have a watch and I'd love to hear your opinions in the comments.
Perhaps former Google CEO Eric Schmidt has a shot at a TV career, if his recent fireside interview with comedic legend Tina Fey is any indication.
The current executive chairman of Google spent an hour with the 30 Rock creator and star during one of its Authors@Google chats at its headquarters in Mountain View, California. Fey and Schmidt discussed everything from her experience raising her daughter to her advice for aspiring female entrepreneurs and writers. If you’re a fan of Tina Fey’s improvisational humor, you’ll love this video.
The baby has been waking up in the middle of the night and even once he is down again I can't sleep. So I've been watching a fair bit of TV recently, catching up with series that i've been too busy to watch.
The Good; stuff I'd watch at the drop of a hat
Deadliest Catch - reality show about crab fishing. A must see for everyone bored in their lives or jobs. Modern Family - comedy Big Bang Theory - comedy
NCIS - drama
The Bad - shows that others love and I don't;
Lost
24
Glee
The Ugly - shows I have gotten very bored with, although they were once great;
Chuck - comedy/drama
NCIS LA
Two and a Half Men
So to conclude, I strongly suggest, whilst all the normal shows are on summer break (why, I don't know!?), watch The Deadliest Catch, from Season 1. Modern Family, with all the family. Download The Big Bang Theory and keep it on your computer to watch when you need a laugh. Its not everyone's cup of tea.
Just in case you were wondering, I am up to episode 6 of Tom Hanks' "The Pacific" and I still think it sucks big time.
Yes, Band of Brothers would be danged hard to follow but this is, and I don't use the term lightly, "Suckypoo".
I just hope that the book is better.
I continue to watch Pacific because I feel that ought to but really, it feels like I'm watching an exceptionally crappy soap opera. Is it better than nothing? I just don't know. What do you think?
As I said in my earlier review, "Pacific Disappointment" the best book for understanding an iota of what the Marines went through in the Pacific is to read the book "With The Old Breed" by Eugene Sledge.
Wearing my 'pedantic hat' I guess that there can be no such thing as 'modern evolution'. However, below you can see the evolution of an idea from TV ad to digitized cartoon to, cartoonified* video, to TV ad.
And then to a few new versions that are basically copies (at last count YouTube had over 400 'Boom De Ah Dah' videos posted).
As a kid growing up in Trumpton and Chigley, my sister and I used to visit our friends on a Saturday afternoon and get bored with all the board games within minutes.
As most Saturdays in the UK in the '80s were rainy we had to stay indoors. How can you turn a boring TV room into a great game? Crocodile infested carpets!! Great fun until you break a leg. Or a sofa.
This letter has been floating around the inerwebz for a while now so I guess we can conclude that it is not 100% real.
Its an interesting read anyway so enjoy!
From the Sand Pit:
It’s freezing here. I’m sitting on hard, cold dirt between rocks and shrubs at the base of the Hindu Kush Mountains , along the Dar ‘yoi Pomir River , watching a hole that leads to a tunnel that leads to a cave. Stake out, my friend, and no pizza delivery for thousands of miles.
I also glance at the area around my ass every ten to fifteen seconds to avoid another scorpion sting. I’ve actually given up battling the chiggers and sand fleas, but the scorpions give a jolt like a cattle prod. Hurts like a bastard.. The antidote tastes like transmission fluid, but God bless the Marine Corps for the five vials of it in my pack.
The one truth the Taliban cannot escape is that, believe it or not, they are human beings, which means they have to eat food and drink water. That requires couriers and that’s where an old bounty hunter like me comes in handy. I track the couriers, locate the tunnel entrances and storage facilities, type the info into the handheld, shoot the coordinates up to the satellite link that tells the air commanders where to drop the hardware. We bash some heads for a while, then I track and record the new movement.
It’s all about intelligence. We haven’t even brought in the snipers yet. These scurrying rats have no idea what they’re in for. We are but days away from cutting off supply lines and allowing the eradication to begin.
I dream of bin Laden waking up to find me standing over him with my boot on his throat as I spit into his face and plunge my nickel-plated Bowie knife through his frontal lobe. But you know me, I’m a romantic.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: This country blows, man. It’s not even a country. There are no roads, there’s no infrastructure, there’s no government. This is an inhospitable, rock pit shit hole ruled by eleventh century warring tribes. There are no jobs here like we know jobs.
Afghanistan offers two ways for a man to support his family: join the opium trade or join the army. That’s it. Those are your options. Oh, I forgot, you can also live in a refugee camp and eat plum-sweetened, crushed beetle paste and squirt mud like a goose with stomach flu, if that’s your idea of a party. But the smell alone of those ‘tent cities of the walking dead’ is enough to hurl you into the poppy fields to cheerfully scrape bulbs for eighteen hours a day.
I’ve been living with these Tajiks and Uzbeks, and Turkmen and even a couple of Pushtuns, for over a month-and-a-half now, and this much I can say for sure: These guys, all of ‘em, are Huns… actual, living Huns.. They LIVE to fight. It’s what they do. It’s ALL they do. They have no respect for anything, not for their families, nor for each other, nor for themselves. They claw at one another as a way of life. They play polo with dead calves and force their five-year-old sons into human cockfights to defend the family honor. Huns, roaming packs of savage, heartless beasts who feed on each other’s barbarism. Cavemen with AK-47’s. Then again, maybe I’m just cranky.
I’m freezing my ass off on this stupid hill because my lap warmer is running out of juice, and I can’t recharge it until the sun comes up in a few hours.
Oh yeah! You like to write letters, right? Do me a favor, Bizarre. Write a letter to CNN and tell Wolf and Anderson and that awful, sneering, pompous Aaron Brown to stop calling the Taliban ’smart.’ They are not smart. I suggest CNN invest in a dictionary because the word they are looking for is ‘cunning.’ The Taliban are cunning, like jackals and hyenas and wolverines. They are sneaky and ruthless, and when confronted, cowardly. They are hateful, malevolent parasites who create nothing and destroy everything else. Smart. Pfft. Yeah, they’re real smart.
They’ve spent their entire lives reading only one book (and not a very good one, as books go) and consider hygiene and indoor plumbing to be products of the devil. They’re still figuring out how to work a Bic lighter. Talking to a Taliban warrior about improving his quality of life is like trying to teach an ape how to hold a pen; eventually he just gets frustrated and sticks you in the eye with it.
OK, enough. Snuffle will be up soon, so I have to get back to my hole. Covering my tracks in the snow takes a lot of practice, but I’m good at it.
Please, I tell you and my fellow Americans to turn off the TV sets and move on with your lives. The story line you are getting from CNN and other news agencies is utter bullshit and designed not to deliver truth but rather to keep you glued to the screen through the commercials. We’ve got this one under control. The worst thing you guys can do right now is sit around analyzing what we’re doing over here, because you have no idea what we’re doing, and really, you don’t want to know. We are your military, and we are doing what you sent us here to do.
Saucy Jack Recon Marine in Afghanistan Semper Fi
“Freedom is not free…but the U.S. Marine Corps will pay most of your share”.
I was talking to Mrs Jumblerant the other day about what DVDs we should buy our young son Jack as he begins to take an interest in the TV (idiot box, boob tube - whatever!). Wifey explained that as she was the 4th of 5 kids she never got to watch children's TV, and was thus brought up on Happy Days, The Brady Bunch and Little House On The Prairie.
This saddened me. I was brought up on amazing shows such as Bod:
The ever interesting and novel Trumpton:
The colorful and highly musical Rainbow:
And of course, not forgetting , the amazingly hi-tech Flumps:
We only ever watched Jamie And The Magic Torch at University, when we were exceptionally drunk...
I'm not sure what these shows did to or for me, but I hope I'm a better person for it!!
My in-laws are arriving in less than half an hour and as the computer is situated in the spare room the blog will be sparse for the near future.
We came back from a long day out – starting at 0630 departing our house and returning at 1500. With our 9 month old baby boy.
The day included: anesthesia, back to front hospital gowns, participation in a national chemical attack exercise, bumping into 4 friends (what are the odds??). Baby vomiting once. Wife vomiting twice.
Anyway, we arrived home healthy but very tired. Wife went to bed. Baby fell asleep and I decided to watch some TV. I found an old CSI Las Vegas which I still think is a classic. I watched the first minute and then cued it up on the Tivo and made myself a coffee.
But my brain beat me. I wasn’t even thinking about who did it because I didn’t care. And then it hit me. I remembered.
I grew up in the (ahem) 70's with the Muppet Show and Sesame Street. I was allowed to watch as much of either of them as I liked, which in all honesty wasn't more than half an hour a day as we had no VCR but we did have British terrestrial TV.
As technology advanced the foam puppets moved over to Fraggle Rock and eventually even that was replaced on the TV shows, for the next generation of kids, by Ninja Turtles, Transformers, Postman Pat and other imaginative heroes.
I recently found out that my beloved wife, Mrs Jumblerant (aka Her Indoors or Mrs J) did not watch Sesame Street or the Muppet Show as a child. Her elder siblings made sure that the first programs she watched were Happy Days and The Love Boat. Sadly she missed out. She never learnt rudimentary Spanish on the stoop with Maria, or how to count, with the Count.
Sesame Street marked 40 years of production on the 10th November and I'm happy to say that our son Jack will be able to grow up with the The Muppet Show as well as it starts to make a return on YouTube.
I know you're busy and have all those chores to do.
And then there's that Buffy marathon going on later. And the kids need a bath.
Twitter isn't going to tweet itself and you just have to Facebook that kindergarten friend of yours from 28 years ago who doesn't even live on the same continent as you BUT you completely forgot to go here and vote for me by copying and pasting the 3 lines of info below;
Jumblerant
http://jumblerant.blogspot.com/
http://feeds2.feedburner.com/Jumblerant
I know!! Crazy isn't it?
What you also forgot was that not only can I easily find out where you live, but I also know where to buy gasoline and matches ;-0
I just watched the season opener for "House" and it was probably the best TV show I have seen in years. And trust me, I watch a LOT of TV shows.
So what was so amazing about this episode? Well, first of all there was no old supporting cast. One can come into this 6th season knowing only that Dr Greg House is a selfish, arrogant, diagnostic genius and it all flows on from there.
I have never seen a season opener that is so intense, focused, dramatic and, lets not forget, entertaining!
I have watched quite a few season premieres of shows that we have been looking forward to. Nothing comes even close to the impact that "House" has. And its a double episode! Which genius thought of that?
Personally I had no idea where the plot could go on this series, it has always been a standard setup in each show:
1. Odd symptoms 2. House gets the diagnosis wrong 3. House annoys students / interns / anyone /everyone 4. House gets diagnosis right 5. Smiles all round!
This episode just blew me away and I look forward to watching the rest of the series.
The House season 6 premiere was a one-man show for Hugh Laurie, and I'm pretty sure all die-hard House fans had a grand time. And as much as I hate to admit it, much less admit it, I kind of did not miss the supporting characters. Maybe I miss Cuddy (Lisa Edelstein) a bit, but only when she interacts with House, so I guess the doctor is still the integral part of that missing element.
Apparently "House" was the most watched premiere:
The two-hour season premiere of Fox's drama House emerged as the runaway ratings winner on the first night of the broadcast networks' premiere week. The show averaged a 6.1/16 with 15.8 million viewers at 8 p.m. before rising to a 6.8/16 and 17.2 million viewers in its second hour. It's a significant jump for the show, whose one-hour premiere last fall averaged a 5.6/16 and 14.4 million viewers.
1. More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
3. I don’t understand the purpose of the line, “I don’t need to drink to have fun.” Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they’ve invented the lighter?
4. Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you’re going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you’re crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.
5. That’s enough, Nickelback.
6. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.
7. The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase “Regards” again.
8. Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn’t work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ’s. We just figured it out. Today’s kids are soft.
9. There is a great need for sarcasm font.
10. Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what was going on when I first saw it.
11. I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I’ll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone’s laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I’m still the only one who really, really gets it.
12. The other night I hit a new low at an open bar. I had already hopped on highway blackout when, inevitably I had to find a bathroom. Eventually I decided it was probably on the other side of the bar so I tried to walk over there, but ran into a guy coming the other way. We played that, Both go left, Both go right game to no avail, so I finally put out my hand to guide myself past and that’s is when I realized, yup, that’s a mirror I just tried to walk through. And the guy on the other side is me. Even cats can recognize their own image.
13. How the he!! are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
14. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
15. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
16. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.
17. A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.
18. Was learning cursive really necessary?
19. Lol has gone from meaning, “laugh out loud” to “I have nothing else to say”.
20. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
21. Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.
22. My brother’s Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads. Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired about the name. He explained, “Cuz we beat you, and you hate us.” Classy, bro.
23. Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart”, all I hear is “I’m not real smart, but I’m imaginary smart”.
24. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear what they said?
25. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a d**k from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
26. Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using ‘as in’ examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss’s last name to an attorney and said “Yes that’s G as in…(10 second lapse)..ummm…Goonies”
27. What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?
28. While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it…thanks Mario Kart.
29. MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
30. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
31. I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.
32. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
33. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.
34. Bad decisions make good stories
35. Whenever I’m Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red RyderBB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don’t mind if I do!
36. Is it just me or do high school girls get s!uttier & s!uttier every year?
37. If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.
38. Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I’m from, this shouldn’t be a problem….
39. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you’ve made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
40. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don’t want to have to restart my collection.
41. There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
42. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
43. “Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this ever.
44. I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There’s so much pressure. ‘I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren’t watching this. It’s only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?’
45. While watching the Olympics, I find myself cheering equally for China and USA . No, I am not of Chinese descent, but I am fairly certain that when Chinese athletes don’t win, they are executed.
46. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dang!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What’d you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?
47. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
48. When I meet a new girl, I’m terrified of mentioning something she hasn’t already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
49. I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it’s on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.
50. Why is a school zone 25 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles…
51. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
52. Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
53. It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.
54. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
55. I think that if, years down the road when I’m trying to have a kid, I find out that I’m sterile, most of my disappointment will stem from the fact that I was not aware of my condition in college.
56. Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn’t know what do to with it.
57. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time…
58. My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day “Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?” How the he!! do I respond to that?
59. It really pi$$es me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.
60. I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.
61. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
62. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.
63. The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There’s nothing like being made to feel like a fat b@st@rd before dinner.
