Thursday, January 7, 2010

The Fat Trap

My parents are vegetarian.

There I've said it. I've outed my self.

There are many downsides to having vegetarian parents. Nut-roast is one of them. Tuna casserole are two more. When your kids cheer when it's Tony the Tiger's Frosted Flakes for supper do you not understand that they are underprivileged?


Grilled salmon is a healthy and tasty meal to eat once in a while, just not every Friday night.


For 6 years.

Now, as a father myself, I realize just how my parents trod a fine line between a healthy lifestyle choice and screwing me up for ever more. A very fine line.

So what brought this up? I was cleaning the barbecue and realized that there was a mold filled drawer accessible from the back. I believe it's called a 'Fat Trap'. What should I do with it? How often should I empty it? Where do I put the contents? Answers on a postcard please - or in the comments.

kthanxbai!

Monday, January 4, 2010

From a Recon Marine in Afghanistan

This letter has been floating around the inerwebz for a while now so I guess we can conclude that it is not 100% real.

Its an interesting read anyway so enjoy!

From the Sand Pit:

It’s freezing here. I’m sitting on hard, cold dirt between rocks and shrubs at the base of the Hindu Kush Mountains , along the Dar ‘yoi Pomir River , watching a hole that leads to a tunnel that leads to a cave. Stake out, my friend, and no pizza delivery for thousands of miles.

USMC GuidonImage by Randy Son Of Robert via Flickr

I also glance at the area around my ass every ten to fifteen seconds to avoid another scorpion sting. I’ve actually given up battling the chiggers and sand fleas, but the scorpions give a jolt like a cattle prod. Hurts like a bastard.. The antidote tastes like transmission fluid, but God bless the Marine Corps for the five vials of it in my pack.

The one truth the Taliban cannot escape is that, believe it or not, they are human beings, which means they have to eat food and drink water. That requires couriers and that’s where an old bounty hunter like me comes in handy. I track the couriers, locate the tunnel entrances and storage facilities, type the info into the handheld, shoot the coordinates up to the satellite link that tells the air commanders where to drop the hardware. We bash some heads for a while, then I track and record the new movement.

It’s all about intelligence. We haven’t even brought in the snipers yet. These scurrying rats have no idea what they’re in for. We are but days away from cutting off supply lines and allowing the eradication to begin.

I dream of bin Laden waking up to find me standing over him with my boot on his throat as I spit into his face and plunge my nickel-plated Bowie knife through his frontal lobe. But you know me, I’m a romantic.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: This country blows, man. It’s not even a country. There are no roads, there’s no infrastructure, there’s no government. This is an inhospitable, rock pit shit hole ruled by eleventh century warring tribes. There are no jobs here like we know jobs.

Afghanistan offers two ways for a man to support his family: join the opium trade or join the army. That’s it. Those are your options. Oh, I forgot, you can also live in a refugee camp and eat plum-sweetened, crushed beetle paste and squirt mud like a goose with stomach flu, if that’s your idea of a party. But the smell alone of those ‘tent cities of the walking dead’ is enough to hurl you into the poppy fields to cheerfully scrape bulbs for eighteen hours a day.

I’ve been living with these Tajiks and Uzbeks, and Turkmen and even a couple of Pushtuns, for over a month-and-a-half now, and this much I can say for sure: These guys, all of ‘em, are Huns… actual, living Huns.. They LIVE to fight. It’s what they do. It’s ALL they do. They have no respect for anything, not for their families, nor for each other, nor for themselves. They claw at one another as a way of life. They play polo with dead calves and force their five-year-old sons into human cockfights to defend the family honor. Huns, roaming packs of savage, heartless beasts who feed on each other’s barbarism. Cavemen with AK-47’s. Then again, maybe I’m just cranky.

I’m freezing my ass off on this stupid hill because my lap warmer is running out of juice, and I can’t recharge it until the sun comes up in a few hours.

Oh yeah! You like to write letters, right? Do me a favor, Bizarre. Write a letter to CNN and tell Wolf and Anderson and that awful, sneering, pompous Aaron Brown to stop calling the Taliban ’smart.’ They are not smart. I suggest CNN invest in a dictionary because the word they are looking for is ‘cunning.’ The Taliban are cunning, like jackals and hyenas and wolverines. They are sneaky and ruthless, and when confronted, cowardly. They are hateful, malevolent parasites who create nothing and destroy everything else. Smart. Pfft. Yeah, they’re real smart.

They’ve spent their entire lives reading only one book (and not a very good one, as books go) and consider hygiene and indoor plumbing to be products of the devil. They’re still figuring out how to work a Bic lighter. Talking to a Taliban warrior about improving his quality of life is like trying to teach an ape how to hold a pen; eventually he just gets frustrated and sticks you in the eye with it.

OK, enough. Snuffle will be up soon, so I have to get back to my hole. Covering my tracks in the snow takes a lot of practice, but I’m good at it.

Please, I tell you and my fellow Americans to turn off the TV sets and move on with your lives. The story line you are getting from CNN and other news agencies is utter bullshit and designed not to deliver truth but rather to keep you glued to the screen through the commercials. We’ve got this one under control. The worst thing you guys can do right now is sit around analyzing what we’re doing over here, because you have no idea what we’re doing, and really, you don’t want to know. We are your military, and we are doing what you sent us here to do.

Saucy Jack
Recon Marine in Afghanistan
Semper Fi

“Freedom is not free…but the U.S. Marine Corps will pay most of your share”.

Hat tip to Mostly Cajun, All American and Opinionated

kthanxbai

The Great Office War

Whilst the world looks to Iran, N. Korea, Iraq and Afghanistan to see where 2010 will take us, we should look inwards to see the real future.

Or just have a laugh!



NERFWAR!!!

kthanxbai!

Friday, January 1, 2010

Solving the heroin and cocaine problem

Heroin bottleImage via Wikipedia

Bob over at The Drawn Cutlass has an interesting idea on how to stop international drug trafficking, narco-terrorism and crime.


Addict dies as anthrax infects heroin users

By Lucy Christie, Press Association Thursday, 17 December 2009

A heroin addict who died in hospital has tested positive for anthrax, health officials said today.

He died at the Victoria Infirmary in Glasgow yesterday. NHS Greater Glasgow and Clyde said blood tests had shown the presence of the deadly bacteria.

Health officials said another heroin user being treated at the same hospital has also tested positive for anthrax. And a third patient, who is being treated at Glasgow Royal Infirmary, is being tested for anthrax. All three had infections in areas of the body they injected with heroin.

The health board confirmed that the dead drug user was male as is the patient at the Royal Infirmary, while the patient at the Victoria Hospital is a woman.

It is not known if the three cases are directly linked.

The victim is believed to have died from the anthrax infection.



kthanxbai!

National Geographic pix 09

Some amazing pictures from National Geographic's International Photography Contest 2009.

What also surprised me, when I thought about it, is the fact that even today, when not only does every man and their chimp have a digital camera, but we also have the interweb where you can find pictures of anything, these photos still leave you amazed.



Nazroo, a mahout (elephant driver), poses for a portrait while taking his elephant, Rajan, out for a swim in front of Radha Nagar Beach in Havelock, Andaman Islands. Rajan is one of the few elephants in Havelock that can swim, so when he is not dragging timber in the forest he is used as a tourist attraction. The relationship between the mahout and his elephant usually lasts for their entire lives, creating an extremely strong tie between the animal and the human being. (Photo and caption by Cesare Naldi)



Curious gulls on Sanibel Island, Florida. Meet my friend, "Gull-i-Bel"!!! (Photo and caption by Richard Rush)



Andrew and his friend, a young sperm whale named Scar, were swimming together off the west coast of Dominica. The two of them became "friends" after Andrew saved Scar's life. (Photo and caption by Peter Allinson)



Well done National Geographic!!


kthanxbai!


Thursday, December 31, 2009

Goodbye 2009

Wishing all of my readers a very happy, prosperous and love filled 2010!

Try JibJab Sendables® eCards today!


kthanxbai!

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Amazing Car Crime Prevention Strategy

Its a little bit naughty but...

Thanks to Hog Day Afternoon for this interesting little factoid;

Renault and Ford are working on a new small car for women.
They are combining the Clio and the Taurus, and calling it the
"Clitaurus."
It comes in pink, and the average male thief won't be able to find it,
even if someone tells him where it's parked.

kthanxbai!

New Year's Eve

Personally I never want to see another car crash for the rest of my life but, well, these things happen. At this time of year when the weather in most countries is wet and icy please take care.

As the Happy Season comes to an end and people have one last 'booze-up' with their pals please stay safe out there - just because you're sober doesn't mean the other drivers are.

20 years of Christmas anti-drinking campaigns combined to make this one. Watch it and pass it along.



kthanxbai!


Monday, December 28, 2009

Hi honey I'm home!

So the 25th December has been and gone and I hope you enjoyed yourselves as much as I did.

I was surrounded by family and friends for the whole weekend and had a super time!

Talking of 'time' (I'm smooooooth), here is Time Magazine's Best TV Episodes of 2009 with a commentary by their TV critic James Poniewozik. A very interesting view on this year's TV best.



He talks about Dollhouse (ended), Nurse Jacky (doing very well), Madmen (boring) as well as Curb Your Enthusiasm which I have never found the least bit funny.

He didn't mention House so here is my blog on what I still think is the best TV episode of the year.


kthanxbai!

Monday, December 21, 2009

Bod, Flumps, Trumpton and more

I was talking to Mrs Jumblerant the other day about what DVDs we should buy our young son Jack as he begins to take an interest in the TV (idiot box, boob tube - whatever!). Wifey explained that as she was the 4th of 5 kids she never got to watch children's TV, and was thus brought up on Happy Days, The Brady Bunch and Little House On The Prairie.

This saddened me. I was brought up on amazing shows such as Bod:



The ever interesting and novel Trumpton:



The colorful and highly musical Rainbow:



And of course, not forgetting , the amazingly hi-tech Flumps:



We only ever watched Jamie And The Magic Torch at University, when we were exceptionally drunk...



I'm not sure what these shows did to or for me, but I hope I'm a better person for it!!



My in-laws are arriving in less than half an hour and as the computer is situated in the spare room the blog will be sparse for the near future.

Have some seasonal fun out there now y'all.

kthanxbai!

Friday, December 18, 2009

Dolly & Elvis at Xmas

Oh Jumblerant you silly sausage, how did you get all discombobulated like this?

Elvis Presley in his '68 Comeback Special, air...Image via Wikipedia

The Best Of Dolly Parton album coverImage via Wikipedia


It started off all simple and easy. I thought I'd segway nicely from the Hanukkah post to a Christmas post leaving everyone feeling warm and fuzzy.

First step was to link to Now That's Nifty and his post called 'Your Own Personal Holiday Juke Box'. Over 40 of the top Christmas songs around. Simple enough. I made the mistake of choosing Dolly Parton's rendition of Hard Rock Candy Christmas. I was very disappointed in my beautiful singer's dulcet tones.

Fine. I'll listen to The King whilst surfing the interweb. No-one can beat The King, right? DOH!! As I glide through Google Reader I start reading Mental_Floss (where knowledge junkies get their fix) and they're knocking the very album I'm listening to!

Their number 1 Controversial Christmas Carol is Elvis Presley's Christmas Carol. Luckily not because becasue of the singing or a re-do of the words but because in 1957 DJs were still 'challenged' by Rock 'n' Roll.

So here we are, back to the 'reason d'etre' of this blog;

Listen to your favorite Christmas Songs here;



kthanxbai!

Chappy Chanukah

I just realised that I haven't wished you all a very Happy Hanukah.

Tiny Menorah, lit upImage by oskay via Flickr



May the oil from your Hanukiah never run out, nor the flame from your candle go dim*.

Happy 8th night tonight.



Hat tip 'The Muqata' for this lovely shopping delight

* an old Yiddish saying which I just made up

kthanxbai!

If Luke, Darth and Han were on Facebook

'Rantings of an Arab Chick' is not a blog I quote from very much so I was very happy when she posted some hilarious Facebook conversations between the characters from Star Wars.


Go over to her blog to find more conversations between characters such as Luke, Han, Chewy, Leah, Darth Vader and Stormtroopers!

May the Force be with you.

kthanxbai!


Thursday, December 17, 2009

the authoritative world factbook

Did you know;

People in The Netherlands traditionally celebrate Christmas by gathering around a festively decorated wheel of cheese, and smoking hashish out of lacquered wooden pipes.

Every English person alive has met HRH The Queen. Also, because of their stubborn insistence on driving on the wrong side of the road, the Earth’s spin rate is slowed there to the point that English hours have 62 minutes.

“Australia” is actually a giant theme park run by New Zealand, and staffed with New Zealander college kids in costumes. Income from tourists visiting “Australia” accounts for 93% of the New Zealand GDP.

For more interesting facts please read Marko, the munchkin wrangler's blog.

kthanxbai!

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

My Mum likes this

My Mum, who is currently taking of the sun in Florida likes this. She even remembered the Muppets' names when she spoke to me on the phone earlier.



I hope you like it too.

Merry run up to Xmas!

kthanxbai!

Monday, December 14, 2009

God Save The Queen

I love the Queen (I loved the Queen Mum even more). She brings a certain something to an otherwise bland and boring island off the tip of Europe.

The Queen Mother reads a telegram from her dau...Image via Wikipedia



Prince Phillip, her husband, is renowned for being xenophobic and generally racist. Which is odd for a Greek Prince living mainly in London.

Doubly odd as his mother is buried in Jerusalem, on the Mount of Olives, and is honored by the government of Israel as a righteous gentile as she sheltered a Jewish family in her house during the Second World War.

With mother-in-law buried in the capital and Prince P himself owning properties in Central Jerusalem why has the Queen never visited Israel?

A very interesting article in today's Jerusalem Post explains why. My question to you is this - is it basically anti-semitism or very strong pro-Arabian feelings that created this problem?

The article can be found here.


kthanxbai!

Friday, December 11, 2009

An open letter to Blogger

Dear Blogger,

Thank you very much for giving so many of us the opportunity to share our feelings, findings and photos with the world at large. I have made new friends, found old friends as well as expanded my mind with your great product BUT why oh why is it so darned difficult to work with?

My award winning and tear jerking posting of last night 'My Brain Beat Me' should have been an easy thing to preview in Google Reader, something like this:


But instead it looked like this;


"Normal 0 false false false MicrosoftInternetExplorer4 /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal";..."


Which was rather disappointing as even though it is nonsensical I did in fact not write it.

I spent over 4 minutes writing the post in question, and over 12 minutes thinking about it. Please send me 16 minutes so that I can feel better about Blogger after this controversial and insulting episode. (We know you can do that, you're owned by Google for crying out loud!)

And whilst you're at it please add a YouTube button (also owned by Google) allowing us bloggers easier access to YouTube videos. And a workable retweet button would be useful. And presents, send me presents because I like them.

Oops I feel the meds beginning to kick in...

kthanxbai!


Thursday, December 10, 2009

My Brain Beat Me

We came back from a long day out – starting at 0630 departing our house and returning at 1500. With our 9 month old baby boy.


The day included: anesthesia, back to front hospital gowns, participation in a national chemical attack exercise, bumping into 4 friends (what are the odds??). Baby vomiting once. Wife vomiting twice.


Anyway, we arrived home healthy but very tired. Wife went to bed. Baby fell asleep and I decided to watch some TV. I found an old CSI Las Vegas which I still think is a classic. I watched the first minute and then cued it up on the Tivo and made myself a coffee.


But my brain beat me. I wasn’t even thinking about who did it because I didn’t care. And then it hit me. I remembered.


The dentist did it.


Oh bugger. Now I have to watch something else.


Don’t you just hate it when your brain beats you?



Below are some CSI clips for your delectation.












kthanxbai!

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Friday Morning at the Pentagon

This has been a tough post to think about, not because it is very personal or even confrontational, I just don't know if it is something that you come here to read about.

So here goes. I hope you enjoy the article. Your opinion about relevance in the comments please.

Friday Morning at the Pentagon

By JOSEPH L. GALLOWAY
McClatchy Newspapers

Over the last 12 months, 1,042 soldiers, Marines, sailors and Air Force personnel have given their lives in the terrible duty that is war. Thousands more have come home on stretchers, horribly wounded and facing months or years in military hospitals.

This week, I'm turning my space over to a good friend and former roommate, Army Lt. Col. Robert Bateman, who recently completed a yearlong tour of duty in Iraq and is now back at the Pentagon.

The PentagonImage by mindfrieze via Flickr

Here's Lt. Col. Bateman's account of a little-known ceremony that fills the halls of the Army corridor of the Pentagon with cheers, applause and many tears every Friday morning. It first appeared on May 17 on the Weblog of media critic and pundit Eric Alterman at the Media Matters for America Website.

"It is 110 yards from the "E" ring to the "A" ring of the Pentagon. This section of the Pentagon is newly renovated; the floors shine, the hallway is broad, and the lighting is bright. At this instant the entire length of the corridor is packed with officers, a few sergeants and some civilians, all crammed tightly three and four deep against the walls. There are thousands here.

This hallway, more than any other, is the `Army' hallway. The G3 offices line one side, G2 the other, G8 is around the corner. All Army. Moderate conversations flow in a low buzz. Friends who may not have seen each other for a few weeks, or a few years, spot each other, cross the way and renew.

Everyone shifts to ensure an open path remains down the center. The air conditioning system was not designed for this press of bodies in this area.

The temperature is rising already. Nobody cares. "10:36 hours: The clapping starts at the E-Ring. That is the outermost of the five rings of the Pentagon and it is closest to the entrance to the building. This clapping is low, sustained, hearty. It is applause with a deep emotion behind it as it moves forward in a wave down the length of the hallway.

"A steady rolling wave of sound it is, moving at the pace of the soldier in the wheelchair who marks the forward edge with his presence. He is the first. He is missing the greater part of one leg, and some of his wounds are still suppurating. By his age I expect that he is a private, or perhaps a private first class.

"Captains, majors, lieutenant colonels and colonels meet his gaze and nod as they applaud, soldier to soldier. Three years ago when I described one of these events, those lining the hallways were somewhat different. The applause a little wilder, perhaps in private guilt for not having shared in the burden ... yet.

"Now almost everyone lining the hallway is, like the man in the wheelchair, also a combat veteran. This steadies the applause, but I think deepens the sentiment. We have all been there now. The soldier's chair is pushed by, I believe, a full colonel.

"Behind him, and stretching the length from Rings E to A, come more of his peers, each private, corporal, or sergeant assisted as need be by a field grade officer.

"11:00 hours: Twenty-four minutes of steady applause. My hands hurt, and I laugh to myself at how stupid that sounds in my own head. My hands hurt... Please! Shut up and clap. For twenty-four minutes, soldier after soldier has come down this hallway - 20, 25, 30.... Fifty-three legs come with them, and perhaps only 52 hands or arms, but down this hall came 30 solid hearts.

They pass down this corridor of officers and applause, and then meet for a private lunch, at which they are the guests of honor, hosted by the generals. Some are wheeled along.... Some insist upon getting out of their chairs, to march as best they can with their chin held up, down this hallway, through this most unique audience. Some are catching handshakes and smiling like a politician at a Fourth of July parade. More than a couple of them seem amazed and are smiling shyly.

"There are families with them as well: the 18-year-old war-bride pushing her 19-year-old husband's wheelchair and not quite understanding why her husband is so affected by this, the boy she grew up with, now a man, who had never shed a tear is crying; the older immigrant Latino parents who have, perhaps more than their wounded mid-20s son, an appreciation for the emotion given on their son's behalf. No man in that hallway, walking or clapping, is ashamed by the silent tears on more than a few cheeks. An Airborne Ranger wipes his eyes only to better see. A couple of the officers in this crowd have themselves been a part of this parade in the past.

These are our men, broken in body they may be, but they are our brothers, and we welcome them home. This parade has gone on, every single Friday, all year long, for more than four years.

"Did you know that?

The media haven't yet told the story."


Copied directly without alteration from Michael Yon's amazing blog 'Michael Yon Online'


kthanxbai!

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

National Geographic photographers have the coolest job.

Crankylitprof over at the blog Cranky Epistles shared a video with us that just blew my mind.

An NG photographer goes off to the frozen wilds to film Leopard Seals. These are relatively dangerous creatures so nothing is to be taken lightly with them.

On his first day he finds a huge mother leopard seal, who starts to bring him live food, thinking that he needs it. He doesn't take the food.

A leopard seal growling while sitting on the s...Image via Wikipedia

She then starts bringing him weak and infirm live food and again he doesn't take it.

Finally she starts chewing up the food to show him how to eat. Absolutely amazing.

Watch the very short film here


Nature is just wonderful.




kthanxbai!