Monday, November 2, 2009

Drive I Swear

As I mentioned in a previous post, the first real rains of the season began yesterday. So here are a few rules for your delectation;

+ If you slow down to 20 km/h because of the rain I will gesticulate at you. Now get out of my way.

+ If you slow down to 20 km/h because of the rain and continue to hold the phone in your hand and talk into it I will gesticulate at you and insult your parentage. Now get out of my way.

Result of a serious automobile accident.Image via Wikipedia

+ Look at the road in front of you. If it looks like puddles then slow down. The odds are that your car weighs more than a bag of hot air and so in a Vehicle v. Puddle fight, don't worry, you WILL win. Now get out of my way.

+ If you do not think that lit headlights are a required addition to driving in stormy conditions I will flash my lights at you. I will also gesticulate and debate your parentage. Its not about you seeing the road, its about other drivers, and pedestrians, seeing you.

+ Driving with one armed draped over the passenger seat is never a good idea. If you do so whilst it rains heavily, and you're talking on the phone, and you have a cigarette in the same hand as your phone and you're undertaking someone I will do nothing.
I will do nothing because I'll be busy phoning the Police because you're a Caulking Font (rearranged for the faint of heart).
You may be suicidal but I like my life right now so I'll do my utmost to get you off the roads.

+ Everyone else? Yeah, you're good.

Thus endeth the rant.


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